If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
