I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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