I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
