either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
