My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
