after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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