I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize