Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my shit smells like andre
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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