the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
