if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
