I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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