she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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