So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
