I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
