Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
