Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Is it because I queefed?

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?

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(519): View more from Ontario

i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

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(248): View more from Michigan

You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.

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(713): View more from Texas

That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.

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(309): View more from Illinois

You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."

(239): View more from Florida

I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..

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