carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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