Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I need to wash the frat house off of me
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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