You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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