He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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