He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
