Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
me + whiskey = a bad person
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
