He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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