Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
