the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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