how can u be prego again
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
