did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
