i would punch a child for taco bell
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
