i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
