Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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