everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My vagina is officially offended.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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