I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
