I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Found your dick twin last night
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
