I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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