part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
