Is it because I queefed?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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