quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
