sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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