I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
