Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
