I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Randomize
