I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize