It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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