she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
