she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
