I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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