she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
