I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
