My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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