I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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