bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
