I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
