This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
