this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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