i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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