I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I have post one night stand depression
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
