I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize