I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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