good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
