Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
