just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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