I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
