I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
