if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
