May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
