508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
