Who wears a wallet chain?!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
