thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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