11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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