If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
