What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
