just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize