Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
