So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
