She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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