when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
