Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
