cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
