everyone is single if you try hard enough
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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