i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
