Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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