I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
