my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
