Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Randomize
