Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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