dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
