I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
