im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
