PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
handjob tips. give me some.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This baby is an asshole
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
