my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize