You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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