he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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