i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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