i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
