You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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