Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
