Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
