I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
