You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Congratulations! We have a period
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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