sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
