FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
