End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
