I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize