I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
