she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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