Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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