a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
