Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize