You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
